I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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