Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
