She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
