I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
