Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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