weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
