So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
