PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this is an emotional support booty call
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
