You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
