I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
