Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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