thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
