I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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