RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Four minutes until I can fart!
my being single is dangerous.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
