At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
