I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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