This is not my ceiling
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
