maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
