I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
