My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
