Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
