wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
