shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
