I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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