the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
