I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
