I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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