just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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