Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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