he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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