yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
