Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
