i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
