my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize