dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
