i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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