Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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