is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will pee on everything he values.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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