i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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