Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
