i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
