PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
