I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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