If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
