then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
