I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize