no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize