it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
