so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
