never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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