Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
