Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
