apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
