When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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