Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
