it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A+ Viking dick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
