what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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