Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
