your room smells of hookers.
And success
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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