I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
