nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
