I will die if light touches me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
