You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
