oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
