My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
