the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
