He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
