I smell stomach acid.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
