Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
