I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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