Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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