that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
