dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
