Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
